Why is Lying a Just Plain Shitty thing

Lying is a really shitty way to deal with the world. As you can tell, I have strong feelings about it.

Some people say that it just makes life easier. It helps one avoid confrontation or taking ownership of complicated problems and is just more efficient in many circumstances- or so the justification goes.

Here is my argument for why it is so dangerous. We are creatures that share a reality. Lying makes that reality unstable and unreliable for everyone. Once you lie to me, and you know that most lies are uncovered sooner or later, I can no longer trust your version of reality and that undermines not only the relationship that we have but also my certainty about every bit of input you ever made to my life.

Everyone thinks that they can detect deceit but research is quite conclusive in showing that few people can tell when someone else is lying. That goes back to our social nature. We live in societies and our brains are hardwired to help us to rely on each other for survival. The more you are convinced that you can tell when someone is lying, like a cop might be confident in her abilities, the more you are at risk for being fooled. I need my friends' perspective to navigate my way through life. It is like having several sets of binoculars in several different locations on the battle field. My friends help me anticipate the dangers in the environment and in my life and they help me to know whether my perceptions are accurate. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue on a battle field if an enemy commandeered the binoculars and the microphone when you were being guided across a mine field?

Yes, the example is a bit dramatic but try it on for size. The best friendships are the ones in which you could literally put your life in another's hands. That is why the friendships formed during crises or in traumatic times or over long terms are strong, and stable and life long. Once falsehood is introduced into a relationship, the foundation for everyone shifts. Stereotypes are mechanisms that the brain uses to reduce cognitive load -in other words to reduce the amount of work and processing that we have to do with our limited resources of time and mental processing. Stereotypes are not always bad, in fact they are usually efficient. Once you get a toehold into my heart or life and you have earned my trust, I have a stereotype about you and you do not have to go through the same scrutiny that a stranger must. Upon that foundation, the relationship is erected. When you lie and I discover it, the rug that everything else is built upon shifts and destablizes the whole structure.

Great relationships are based upon mutual respect and trust. These are two very, very valuable treasures. When you lie to me, you steal my understanding of you and of my world and leave me in a certain amount of chaos. You are right if you object that there are kinds of lies that are beneign or meant for good. Even St. Augustine and the philosopher Kant recognized that. In some instances, it does come down to judging intent and forgiveness comes easily. However, when the intent of the lie is to protect oneself at the expense of a friend's world view, I think the meaning is clear.

So, if you are a good person in the habit of telling lies of convenience, please consider this point of view and try an experiment. We really can get into habits of lying as the easy way out. Try going one day and promising yourself that you will not tell a single lie. If that goes well, try a week. Take note of whether there is a fundamental change in the way you experience your life and check closely to see if your relationships are likewise affected.